Taken from Here




Clifton: Let me first speak as a white adoptive parent of a black child. We know that love alone is not enough to raise our daughter. She will have experiences as a black person that we can't relate to as white parents, and we need to reach out to the black community to help us raise our daughter into a woman that is proud of her culture and heritage. We live in Atlanta, and we have black friends in our lives and go to a church that is roughly half black, but we didn't anticipate the support we've received from the online community. It's been really nice.

BGLH: First off, we thought it was cute that you were using a fork. I'm assuming it doubled as a comb?
Clifton: I used to use a fork to make Miriam's parts. The rat tail comb I had at first wasn't very pointy and I was more happy with the fork. I thought it made nice, sharp parts. I have a better rat tail comb now and I've gotten used to it so I've done away with the fork.

BGLH: How often do you do your daughter's hair? And how long does it take?
Clifton: On average we wash her hair every 10 days, but sometimes it's once a week or every two weeks depending on what we've done that week (like playing in the pool or the sand box). I often re-do the braids or twists during the week depending on how they're looking (smaller braids last longer) .

BGLH: Where/how did you learn how to take care of her hair? Why did you learn to take care of her hair?
Clifton: We've always had black babysitters, and I loved it when Miriam's hair started getting long enough for our babysitter to braid or twist (Miriam came home at 1 year old with very little hair). Our babysitter moved away and our new sitter wasn't comfortable doing hair, and I missed how nice Miriam's hair looked. My wife and I started doing it but gradually over time it became my thing, at least partially because we also had a baby boy that my wife was breastfeeding. We learned from books like "It's All Good Hair," from other moms, and of course practice which I'm still doing. Our goal has always been to help her fit in among other black girls and to feel good about her hair. I'm not an expert, and we're always open to advice and suggestions







BGLH: Emotionally, how was the process of learning to take care of her hair? Was it ever frustrating or discouraged? Or was it a joy?
Clifton: Learning about hair care and styles has been a joy. Sometimes the doing can be frustrating I would say the worst has been my attempt at cornrows. They look like they're two weeks old as soon as I do them, and when I spend an hour or longer on her hair I want it to look perfect. So I haven't tried them for awhile.

BGLH: If you could describe your daughters afro textured hair in three words, what would they be?
Clifton: Curly, coily, bouncy.

BGLH: I'm assuming you've been around caucasian hair all your life. This may be a kind of silly question, but what to you, is the most striking difference between the texture of your daughters hair, and the hair you were used to?
Clifton: I would say perhaps the most striking difference is how dry her hair can get. In my experience, white people's hair tends to get oily between washings; with Miriam her hair dries out instead.

BGLH: Do you find anything uniquely beautiful about afro-textured hair?
Clifton: My favorite is the way it looks with two strand twists. It seems uniquely black and beautiful to me.

BGLH: Do you think the care you take in nurturing your daughter's hair is having an effect on her self image? If so, in what way?
Clifton: Miriam is 5. Right now I think we're laying the groundwork for when she's older and starts to think about her identity as a woman of color and what that means.






BGLH: And finally, I saw you have a young son. What does he think of his big sister's hair
Clifton: Our non-adopted son is 4, and although we have discussions about skin color (they refer to it as brown skin and yellow skin), we haven't talked much hair specifically. Although he says it's beautiful sometimes, right now I would say he loves Miriam's hair mainly because he gets to watch TV when I fix it. He also likes for Miriam to fix his hair with her barrettes and hair balls, and he'll sit still to let her do that. Our 2 year old son also enjoys Miriam's hair stylings. We're on the wait list to adopt again from Ethiopia (another girl). So I'll have more chances to practice my skills, and hopefully the girls can appreciate each others hair and practice styling on each other as they grow up.

This should be reposted on Black sites and message boards all over the net. Excellent!

Nice Story but is that the guy who put vasaline in his daughters hair?

It's on the Black hair sites at least.



Dunno, maybe it works better on silkier textures. I remember that in my head - YUCK!

LMAO! Please tell me you're kiddin! Whoa....

Can I ask why?

Nope, I saw a picture and video of a white guy doing his adopted Black daughters hair and he had a fork, like in the Little Mermaid, and a jar of vasaline beside him.

I was confuzzled but whatever works. My Mom never had to use either of those things on my head.

My mother and older sisters use to use vaseline in my hair as a child and it does work especially when its just washed.

Yes, you can (and clearly, you did!). It should, because it's a topic that would be sure to start a discussion/debate (some topics don't do that, or they engender very little discussion or debate).

Plus, it might start making some people think just a little bit differently about these sorts of things. Y'never know.

I was just wondering why you specified that it should be on Black boards. I don't think BP are the ones who are ignorant about white folks. In fact, its usually the opposite. We have to know about white people to survive, a lot of them don't know basic things about us and our community. I bet most Black women could tell you what a perm does to white women's hair, but I've come across a load of white people who don't even know that BW's hair doesn't come out of their heads straight. I don't think BP are the ones who really need to be reading this article...

My God!!! For real? Just doesn't seem like a great idea to me...but I guess there are "greases" that are just as thick that we use (i.e. Blue Magic). The thought of it gives me shudders.

It was the norm around West Indian families when I was young to use Vaseline as a grease as well as skin moisturiser.

Thankfully, better products are on the market.

Well, OK, you make a good point, and I don't disagree at all; white people should read this article just as much. I just kinda thought that since Black hair issues are occasionally discussed on Black boards, that there might be some more interesting and readily available opinions on the topic, especially since both interracial relationships and the adoption of Black children by white couples are often discussions seen on Black boards, whereas it's less common on primarily white boards (there it would probably be variations on the theme of "why bring up race? you're racist to even do that" or a virtual shrug).