Yesterday I found out rather unexpectedly that my girlfriend is pregnant. unexpected because we've only been together a few months...and because we was safe and on birth control...so i'm a little bit shocked, scared (we're both looking for work) and I havent got ther foggiest how to help my gf over the course of the next 8 months..add in i dont know how to tell my parents! But we're both happy and excited too, as we both believe that we're made for each other. so if anyone has any advice, it wouls sure be appreciated

WOW! Well let me be the first to say congratulations! I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, and children are definitely a blessing a from God. I wish you two all the best in this new chapter of your lives. It's hard to give advice about things like this but I would say that you do need to talk about finances and expectations. A baby changes the dynamics of life in everyway so you have to be prepared for the fact that everything will change, starting now really. You can no longer just think about yourselves. Getting a job is a good start because we all know how expensive babies are. Are you living together now? Are you planning to? There are so many things to consider. You guys just really need to be on the same page and communicate. Wow again! Best of luck to you both!

well im waiting on news of my voluntary work, as my boss wants to take me on full time soon! we both know its going to be difficult financially as we may have to deal with benefits in the meantime. we are going to go to our local council and apply for housing so we will be living together.

It sounds like you have started thinking ahead already. That's great. You've got some time to get things all lined up too, so try not to stress out about things too much. As for your gf, support from you is the most important thing to her right now i'm guessing, at least that's how it would be for me, so just keep being your sweet self

Wow, and a super congratulations to you, best of luck to you! You are fortunate to be having a child, some people aren't so blessed as to have their own children.
Definitely go on assistance as needed, that is what it is there for, the hard times. Use it to tide you over until something better comes along, do not only depend on the assistance, work towards something better.

Even when you are trying to get pregnant it comes as a welcome surprise! Get ready for your whole life to change when you least expect it. Be glad you are doing this at your age and not at 39 yrs. old like my last one. Young people can handle childbirth better but you will find yourself growing maturity wise as you realise you will want the same things for you as you want for your child. I don't mean to scare you, Brother, but you are getting ready to bring a small human being home from the hospital and are going to be responsible for it's survival. They don't come with instructions. When you get a chance, find a good pediatrician near you (after a while he will spend more time calming you and your girl than treating the baby) and figure out the best place to buy diapers and formula and later juices and baby foods. The rest of it is ... Have Fun With This while you can because they grow up way too fast and then you wish they were little again. The diapers and the lack of sleep become a welcome time. All those movies where you see people sneak into their child's room and stare at them while they sleep? You are getting ready to see why they do that. There is something about holding a baby that is just calming, a friend of mine's dad used to say that they just came from God and have a lot of it all over them. My theory is that they can feel YOUR mood, so you find yourself trying to be calm around them. Children need three main things. 1) Sustanence (Food and water), 2) a warm place to sleep, and 3) people in their life who are always there for them to remind them that they are loved and safe. (Just like the rest of us.)
Congratulations my man! OH, and about your parents: This is what I suggest. Remind them all the things you just told us. You two are meant for each other, you are happy about the baby, you are ready to do what is necessary to take care of the baby, and then the "proud grandparent thing" will melt them like snow on a hotplate "IF" you let them be involved. Invite them to the Ultrasound test where you get to see the baby for the first time, let them know every stage of the way, they will be happy for you and will love the child no matter what they might think at first, so don't wait until the last minute. Let them know as if they were the first people you wanted to tell. They will appreciate your trust. Go TOGETHER to tell them, maybe at dinner at their house or something. Wait until everyone has eaten, feels good and relaxed, then tell them you have an announcement. Let us know how it goes, please. And Congratulations, have fun with this, and I can tell from the way you told us this, you are ready to become a DAD, not just someone who fathered a child.

Does anyone have the feeling it's too early for these lucky guys to start a parenting class? NOT ME! The better armed you can be in advance, the better able you will be to handle any emergency or day by day task. AND, you'll be more sure and confident. Keep your lady assured of all things and knowing that she's loved.

Congratulations to you both!! I wish you, your mate, and your child love, health, and happiness! And I love AMM's comment that you will be a DAD, not simply a father. It's an echo of a saying that I saw a long time ago, (and definitely applies to TDWB):

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy."


You're going to love it. Best of love and luck to you!


Snakecharmer, TDWB, and family

Congrats to you and your girlfriend on the baby Cliche!!! ^_^ How far along is she? I can't wait to hear all of the updates like if it's a boy or a girl, name possibilities, and eventually pictures!! ^_^ I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to share with you - since don't have any children yet....but I wanted to say congrats nevertheless! ^_^ You could always start watching a Baby's Story and grabbing some parenting books, and also don't forget to go with your girlfriend to lamas class (I'm sure I misspelled that, sorry all). ^_^ I'm sure that she'll appreciate any little bit of help. Congrats again!

Let me add my Congratulations!
Since everyone is offering advice may I add some ideas?

From a legal standpoint..please protect your legal rights as a father. I'm not sure what rights you may have as unmarried parents....but it's better to find out now than later down the road.

In any event, I sense your compassion and sensitivity forms a strong foundation for your impending fatherhood. Please enjoy every moment of it(even the dirty nappies )
MD

To Follow up on what Al just said, I looked around on the internet and found several free online parenting classes. This one actually has an online classroom, classes in several things including some for people who are divorced and parents, but to sum it up, they give you a certificate when you complete the course. http://www.fight4kids.com/Parenting_Classes.htm

And don't forget to cultivate and maintain your support system- you will need it. There will be times you simply need a break- to sleep, to get a shower, to actually have a few minutes to yourself. (addressing you and the mom) It's essential. You cannot maintain your sanity without occasionally being able to step away, and it's tough to be a decent, much less an effective parent when you are constantly running on a severe deficit of sleep.


Snake(been there and done that)charmer

When my daughter was old enough to go in a stroller and I could take her places on my own, with me and her mom both working all week, there was not much time for either of us to have some "me time". I used to take her in the car on Saturdays and let mom sleep in. My daughter and I spent a LOT of time together on Saturdays up until she became a teenager, that was our day together. I saw a talk show a while back where some dad was doing the same thing and his daughter, grown then and almost middle age, still spent that one day together, despite the fact that she was married and had kids of her own.
When her mother and I separated, I made sure I got half the week with her and we used to sometimes just talk, ignore the TV, phone, and every other outside influence just to sit and talk about something that was important in our lives having to do with what our opinions were about whatever the topic was. Later, my daughter could come to me about ANYTHING, and today she still emails when something is troubling her. She and I can talk about anything.

wow, thank you for all the well wishes!! i've not got access to the internet when at my girlfriends house so i have only just seen all this wow! AMM i wil definately use your posts and link as my itinerary for what i need to do to be a great dad! we've already got planned what we need to do as a couple and will work it, both our families know now and we;ve had nothing but love which has been brilliant.

Mystere I will look into that for sure!

Futuremrs09.....shes 6 weeks pregnant, we got a scan next week! so will keep you upto date

Congratulation to you both, great that you've got your families on board and loving it. Advice ? you'll be surprised how much of being a Dad comes natural. early days yet, two things, Don't panic and remember, to quote my misses "I'm not disabled, I'm only bloody pregnant", enjoy your next seven months. oh and get plenty of nookie in, you might find things a bit slow in that department after the birth

I notice certificates start from $40 but then do you really need a piece of paper to prove you're a capable Dad, the proof is in the pudding club when it comes to how good you are.

Fortunately pregnancy and birthing costs are very minimal for us in the UK, courtesy of our NHS system, we don't have to worry if our insurance will cover everything or not having insurance at all.

For the benefit of our friends across the big pond.

Antenatal classes are free and depending on your area and previous parenting experience, cover the likes of, labour and birth, coping with labour, pain relief, keeping fit during pregnancy and help during labour, preparing for life with a new baby, caring for a newborn, including feeding, your own health in pregnancy and after the birth, relaxation techniques (try not to fall asleep), emotions surrounding pregnancy, birth and the early postnatal period.

Parents are entitled to paid time off work to attend, though they’re normally run in the evenings, both parents are usually expected to attend, but it’s not mandatory. The NHS may also, depending on the parents financial and or home situation, provide free private classes. Some areas arrange classes specifically aimed at teenagers and or ethnic minorities, breast feeding workshops may are also available. Courses are usually run for six to eight weeks in the last two months of pregnancy.

Antenatal Care: GP, Midwives, Obstetricians, Paediatricians, again all antenatal care is provided free, and is mainly overseen by your Midwives and your GP, Obstetricians will only get involved if they are complications with the pregnancy or birth, after birth infant care is usually through the GP, paediatrician [US:Pediatrician] usually only get involved on a consultancy basis, ultrasounds are provided (a small fee may be charged if you want a copy), some health care areas may not tell you the sex of the child until the pregnancy is well advanced.

Generally, give or take a few, you can expect up to 10 antenatal appointment, which can be in your home, children’s centre, GP’s surgery, or Hospital, you will get at least one home visit from a midwife or a social worker.
For the birth you can choose to have your baby in a midwifery or maternity unit or at Home, all pain relief, surgical requirements, overnight stays etc are provided free. The newborn baby will, with parents consent, be given vitamin K injection.

Post natal care is provided up to eight weeks after birth by Midwives who will make several home visits to check on the babies and your health, the immunisation program will also start at around this time.

Parental rights and free stuff, subject to employment status and income etc we are entitled to, Health in pregnancy grant £190 [$286]. 52 weeks maternity leave (inc. 39 weeks of Statutory Maternity pay) dads get 2 weeks paid paternity leave, right to return to work after pregnancy and or a maternity allowance for those who choose to give up work, £124.88 / wk [$187] for 39 weeks.

After birth you’ll get child benefit (regardless of your financial/working status) of £20.30 [$30] per week until the child is 16 or 18 plus a one off ‘child trust fund’ payment of £250 at birth then another £250 at aged 7. it ain't much but every little helps

Dental care for the mother is free as are drug prescriptions.

The big bills come in afterwards, have you seen the cost of decent, buggies [strollers] and nappies [diapers] these days....

I don't care what anyone says about unsatisfactory opinions, you people over there really do have such excellent health care provided and we pay more in taxes and don't get zip unless we jump through hoops during catastrophic situations of financial crisis Disability, Financial ruin caused by illness and unemployment, or a few other tragedies and we still have to fight for it constantly when we do have an emergency.

Hi, I'd just like to add my Congratulations

The only advice I can give at present is take each day as it comes, enjoy pampering her with chocolates, ice cream etc. There will be lots of problems along the way, don't panic and take them one at a time and ask for advice when you need it. Start buying all the essentials (cot, pushcair, buggy, bottles, clothes etc) as 8 months will go very quickly and they would present you with a massive bill if you had to buy them all at once.

On a second note, I think I'm 'In the same boat' so to speak. My wife believes she is pregnant, only she came back from the clinic 10 days ago with a negative result (it would have been 8 weeks at that point). Is it possible to have a negative result at that point, and still be pregnant?
She has been complaining a lot of feeling ill and stomach pains over the past few weeks, so I'm sure she is too. Just hope she can go back soon and get a positive result, as I'm itching to rejoice properly.

Thanks Alrydian, hope you get the news you are hopinfg for!

update... we had an early scan..a 7 week scan..and the baby is healthy...heartbeat and everything else is normal. my girlfriend is suffering quite a bit from cramps, tiredness and morning sickness...shes having mood swings too, doesnt want to be touched, not interested in sex (which she hates as shes very liberal sexually), but the one thing that has unsettled me as that she said she doesnt have as strong feelings for me as she did before she got pregnant, she told me that she felt like she was on cloud nine before but has suddenly felt not so strongly...shes putting this down to the pregnancy hormones....but she does still want to be with me and said shes not going anywhere and is truly happy with me and we will be moving in together before the babies born...and she always says things like "for our wedding" or "when we're married" and we're always together so i dunno..its just unsettled me as she hadnt been one to settle down before me..

My compliments to both Cliche and Alrydian. Alrydian, I hadn't responded to your posting as you'd posed a medical type question that is about 174 miles from any area of expertise for me. I'm hoping that all comes the way you wish. Regarding hormonal twitchiness, oh Jeeeez, Louise! Don't let it affect you any more than you can help, Cliche, just accept it as a part of the package and keep your lady assured. Rest assured, your lady will be all stabilized in that regard by the time your child hits ..... 30. (Just a touch of humor)

I don't think that you are ever prepared to be a parent, although some times in your life may be better than others. My pregnancies were relatively easy and at least over there you don't have the horrible health care system that we have here. Stock up on diapers in bulk--do they still have Mothercare over there??Enroll in some childbirth classes, decide whether or not breastfeeding is the right choice for your baby, although usually, the Mom primarily decides. Kiss a full night's sleep goodbye for a while because they wake up constantly as newborns and more importantly have lots of patience and don't take yourself too seriously as a parent. I remember changing my oldest son's diaper and he would either pee in my face or take a huge dump in my hand. There may be moments like that and there may be times when you feel like you don't know what you are doing, but being a parent is very rewarding. My kids are still young, so I remember the strollers, colic, breast feeding, diaper rash, etc. Feelfree to ask me anything about babies

Your gf's hormones are going crazy and she may be moody. I'm sure that she still cares about you, but she is going through a lot of changes now. Not saying that you should not consider marriage, but a baby is not a good reason to get married. It is one thing if you were talking about it before you discovered you were pregnant, but to throw it out there just because of the baby, may be rushing things. Like everyone said, take it one day at a time.

i understand my gfs had a major adjustment to the hormones...and now things have slowly settled down our relationship feels stronger than ever...shes going through bouts of Nausea and tiredness. but shes being strong about it. we got another scan next month. thats about it really, for now!

Wow, congratulations, Cliche!

Best of luck to you two!