What should you do if you see a parent cursing at his/her child. Im talking about the f word, being directed at a child(between 3-6 years old). I personnaly have been through this many times, since i ran our families furniture store. And i never stand idle.

Hi Gus, This can be a difficult one. I have been in that situation several times but I will share two examples.

I was watching a mother getting really angry with two little girls, She grabbed one of them, and was hostile to them both. When she stopped, she just flopped down on her seat and my eye caught hers. She looked embarrassed because it seemed she just noticed that everyone was looking at her. I smiled at her and leaned over and said, “you having a tough day?” she just started telling me that, this went wrong, and she could not find that, and that the kids did this, and that, and so on for about 15 minutes. Once calm, I complimented her on how well her girls were behaving now and she said, “Yeah they are great girls really” and then said “I know I get on at them too much…” She started tell me what she felt she was doing wrong as a mother. I shared some of my “bad parenting moments” and told her that I got some great tips and support form the organisation I was working for. I gave her the number and she went off on her way a calmer mother.

The second one was a lady with a baby and a girl about 5. The eating area was almost empty so not that many people about. They were all so smartly dressed in expensive matching clothes, and their mum was too. She was not even seeming that mad. Just flustered trying to get the girl to stay sitting in her seat, and just said “what the “f” are you doing” to the girl. I looked over and smiled at mum, without a word, and she tore into me like a crazy women “What the “f” do you think you are looking at? Mind your own “f…ing business” I just kept smiling and said “Chill out, its ok, we all have days like that” and turned to finish my drink. I could hear her still cursing to herself and she made not attempt to reframe from how she talked to the girl, (not cursing but just hostile and loud), even though, by then, more people had sat down to eat.

I do not know if the first lady I mentioned did ever ring someone or made steps to get help in another way. I just know that I would not have made the situation any better confronting her wrong doings in public. AND it may have given her more reason to take it out on the kids later for her being fulled-up on it. The second lady did not seem to feel she was doing anything wrong and as she was not physical endangering the child no one could report her on what we had seen, even though I think it is just as damaging to the child.

I despise seeing someone curse at a child, but I think I would only butt in if I saw something physical. I might try to make the person take note of my disapproving look though.

I will not let the person get away with it. Ill tell them they are wrong. Or ill tell them to pic on someone who will retaliate.

Gus, I'll be the first to agree that I am not the best father in the world and I do things wrong. Unfortunately I am guilty of useing foul words too. I have one child who is for all intenses and purposes, deaf, and let me tell you, the behavior problems we've had to deal with have been extremely hard to deal with. Snakecharmer may be able to explain better the problems we've had. I have erupted in frustration but not necessarily at her, or my other two. I admit to having a temper as well, that said, I LOVE all my kids. For the longest time we could have nothing, literally, w/o her breaking it. We bought new drapery, 700 bucks, a lot of money for us and no matter how many times we pulled her off, or spanked her, yelled, the time outs, every last one of em' were pulled down. That is just the tip of the iceburg! We've tried to get behavior help and have not been sucessful. I'm going to learn sign, or at least try so I can talk to her. The thing that really gets me about her is when she's in trouble, she'll start laughing at me. That infuriates me!
I had a lady one day, she knew I was pissed, as my daughter through out the whole store was misbehaving really badly. Finally I put her in the shopping cart, and yes I did use some bad words. Anyway she started throwing my groceries out of the cart so I took her out to the car and gave her a spanking, then stood her up and signed to her to stop her bad behavior. The sign for stop is a chop from one hand to the palm of the other, well said lady was there and started yelling at me to stop beating my child! I told her to mind her own F'n business, she threatened to go and get her husband, I told her that she needed to leave me strictly alone and to go on her way. The lady had no idea of what was going on, that is one problem with telling somebody that they are wrong. Just because something looks a certain way to you does not mean that it is. Not to be a jerk, or sound like a bad ass because I'm not and I hate to fight(I'd much rather do the other F word) but, I'll tell ya that if after having to deal with stuff like that, I'd tell you that you need to get the fuck outta my face because you have no idea of what you're talking about! I have no patience with people that butt in and start telling somebody they're wrong when you don't know what's going on. If you want to offer help and approach it that way, that seems better to me. And we are always trying to figure out how better to deal with her. If there is anybody out there that has had to deal with similar problems I'd be interested in knowing how you dealt with it.

*Snakecharmer's note- This is really an issue of deafness and how to deal with it. If anyone here has a deaf child we'd be interested to know how you cope.

Yes Truck man. Your situation is complicated. And yes you should get professional help. But in no way whatsoever do i ever condone cursing at a child. Under no circumstances.

Cursing directly at, as in calling a kid an f'g bastard or something like that, yes I see that and I don't do It or telling a kid how stupid they are which is just as bad, I don't do either.

Thats a no no ....that is verbal abuse....and leaves emotional scars which causes alot of 'baggage' in this child adult years to come...tsk tsk

It's wrong but I've done it too. Of course it's not right but I would think long and hard before intervening unless physical abuse was involved. Maybe the person had a really bad day and is under a lot of pressure. These are things that we can't deduce in a fleeting moment.