Hi Storm,

I can understand the thought process in wondering about this mother. I am unsure that this woman is living through her biracial daughter quite the way it might be veiwed by others. As a parent, we all live through our children in some shape or form. However, when it arrives at the point of madness; and the parent(s) is forcing a child to take part in something that the child doesn't want to take part in (or has no obvious talent for), then yes I would say that could be a problem. I, for one found that I putting my children in a number of activities kept them busy in a positive light, but they also found were their talents and what their loves were. And yes, I worked extra hours and took on a second job to pay for these things too because my former husband refused to assist paying for the activites.

Yes, some parent(s) do take things to an unhealthy level for both their child and themselves and it's hard to say whats really motiving this woman without knowing more.

Great observation and question, it might remind a few of us parents that there is still so much to learn about raising children

Maybe she just proud of her daughter. And wants to give her everything. Im sure id spoil my daughter if i had one. Maybe the other child is not as bright or good in school so she puts more effort into the other one. Even though i think thats wrong(if its the truth).

thank you. the one thing i always say is parents don't sacrifice enough for their children. i think it's great she does these things for her daughter. i just would like to know the deal on the other daughter and why she seems to not get discussed as much. i don't even think the woman is doing it on purpose, i think some black women have been so beaten down by mistreatment based on superficial beauty standards that some of these women with biracial children and daughters appear to be in awe of their children. that's how this woman is. i don't think most black women who have biracial kids are like this but this woman really struck me this way. i don't think any less of her because i blame society in how damaging they have been to black women and even black people because i've seen behavior like that from them too but I mentioned black women because this site is pertaining to them.

Something doesn't add up with this. In the other post you seemed certain that this woman was not treating the other daughter as well as the biracial daughter. But now you are saying you would like to know, implying that you really don't know for sure and that you just assumed. I sort of have an issue with that because as the black mother of a biracial daughter, I get accused of this very thing, just not as directly. I already know I can't say how pretty my daughter is without offending or upsetting some people, but other black women who have kids by black men can brag on their kids all day and it's never a problem. I already know I can't let her get away with anything or be too cuddly with her around certain people because I'm spoiling her because she's mixed, is what I'll be accused of. You have no idea how irritating that is because to me, she's just my child, but others see a black woman with a mixed daughter and they are just waiting for me to do something to prove what you have brought up here. Now that you have exposed the fact that you really don't know for sure the other daughter isn't getting those same priviledges, maybe you should just come clean about your preconceived notions about black women who have biracial children, because you don't know what the other girl has been involved in. You say there is a two year age difference, well who is younger and who is older? Maybe the other daughter has already done those things and now she's getting the other daughter involved. I think all chiildren should get equal time and treatment and I have to ask you would you be as concerned if her daughter who is not biracial, was getting those things you have accused the biracial daughter of getting? It's so easy for us to talk about fairness in child rearing when the child in question is the one who seems more like us getting the short end of the stick but the problem I have is, are you even sure that is what is happening with these girls?

Let's see, we could start with their age, their fathers influence and income, the child's interest....you know...does the other daughter even want to particpate in these things, does she want to go to a private school and wear that corny uniform. I think those reasons could get you off to a good start without playing the race card, don't you think? Give this woman a break or at least the benefit of the doubt. Yes she had a child by a white man, don't shoot just yet, she could just be a good black woman without color issues that loves and provides well for both of her kids........even the one that is full black. Excuse me for going out on a limb here but you know, anything is possible.

That girl probably doesn't want or need her pity. I would hate for someone to feel sorry for me if I had a mixed sibling. Maybe I missed it but I didn't see anything that seemed like it could be factual from this "story."

excuse me what the fk i have 2 blk kids 1/2white if u like all my children does with they want 2 do i dont make a differ it ppl like u who judge us ps i love my g=son give him every thing that i or he want he only 2 ohhhhhhhhhhhh he mixed 2 I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN THE SAME FOXYFLO I SMELL A RAT

I don't know how friendly you and your co-worker are, but have you ever thought about asking her questions about the full black daughter? For instance, are they both in private school, is the full black daughter interested in any extra cirricular activites, is the father of the mixed child paying or helping to pay for those activites . I understand your concern in this situation, but I'm sure some black women with biracial children are routinely accused of living through they're mixed child/children unjustly.

I would just add that a person should be careful to not project or extrapolate one situation (and whether this situation is an example of bias or not, given the known facts, isn't even clear) as being a trend in a larger particular group. A matter of sample size. Here, it just isn't big enough (a sample size of one) to draw generalizations from it.

And as to whether the mother is favoring one daughter over the other based on racial composition can not be determined either. I can speak from personal knowledge that parents often seem to treat children differently, can seem to provide more to certain of their children over other ones. True in all-white, all-black, and presumably all-green or purple families.

this woman has color issues and you can deny that there are some black women like this but it won't change the facts. don't get me wrong i could care less if someone has color issues or prefers a mixed child but when you already have a full black child you have to be more careful in your parenting when you bring that mixed child into the picture. you just have to be more careful of what you do and say. we live in a color concious world and people are going to notice your biases.

From reading this, I'm still not seeing where this woman had issues. You only presented one side of her story. There is so much we still don't know about this. I know you don't have children because when you have children, they are just your kids. I only have one child, but even when she is playing with my neices and nephews, everyone is loved equally by me! It's the outsiders who come around making differences and trying to cause division based on superficial things like hair length, eyes, features, and skin tone, because they have no love or natural affection for these children. I don't care how they look, these kids are my family and I love them all and when she is playing with them she is treated no better or no worse by me! Why should she be? The implication you have made is a sad one and I doubt seriously it reflects on most black women at all. Even if I have issues about myself and my looks at times, I'm not about to pass that on to my child who I want to have a better life than I did.

I now realize it's those people who have the real problems and they want to use me as a scapegoat for their own prejudices and colorism issues. I can't think of what else it could be because they don't know me.

Passions, thank you for summing up my sentiments on this issue. Now rather than type out a lengthy response I can simply say "ditto."

You can speculate all you want, but unless you see firsthand a disparity in the way she treats her biracial daughter and her full-black one, you cannot not make full-out assumptions. There are mothers who just love the hell out of their kids, no matter who they are from.

However, on the other hand, storm, I am not going to front on the fact that there are many black women out there who handpicked the father of their children to give their offspring "good hair" and "refined features" and avoid bestowing upon them "nappy" or "picky" heads. They ensured that their children would come out more palatable so they would have a "better" experience in this society, especially if they are little girls. Their mate choices were done solely out of deep-seeded emotional pain from bitter childhood experiences. It didn't matter how low-down the man was, as long as he was as "negroidally dilute" as possible. And those children were doted upon a lot more than the full-black children by entire families. I have seen examples of this with my own eyes. This mentality runs rampant throughout this side of the Atlantic, right down and through the equator.

But don't get ahead of yourself by assuming that this lady is one of them.

Nothing wrong with that IMO but everyone has the right to disagree but girlfriend, you just described me to a T! Yep that's me right there.

It's not just a black woman thing, black men do it and we never even think that white people would do it but they do more than we thought, plan on these things. I think people should have the child they want whether it be dark or light. Nappy headed or wavy headed it's all good if you want it. Your child will come out looking like something and in a perfect world it should not matter. But I didn't plan this second baby I'm carrying it was a surprise. Both my kids will be mixed so maybe I can escape being accused of what this woman is being accused of. I wonder if Storm has her own preferences she is not telling us about. See the difference between me is that I have no shame in my game. Storm, come out the closet on this one, maybe I can help you out. You are judging this woman for a reason and I think the reason is inside of you. If not then excuse me for these statements, please no online drama. Pregnancy and drama don't mix. But this is who I am, this is who some of the rest of us are, let's be who we are freely. I won't put anyone down as I hope not to be put down. I know I will be put down for this but it was my choice so I will be braze enough to stand by it. Hopefully that won't happen on a board that is supposed to be pro interracial, pro biracial and all that good stuff.

Girl you let that bother you? I wish I would.

I'm not bothered, I was just adding my two cents to the conversation.

interesting

thanks for your honesty, passions. i never considered something like that being a problem if i had biracial children. its not fair for you or your child

however im gunna be honest (this isnt directed towards anyone)- if there were signs hinting at what storm suggested, a red flag would flare but i wouldnt make any hash conclusions until i learned more about their situation... and who says that i have a right to know whats going on between them any way?

any who, i think the only reason why i would question her motives is because of what i went through as a child (my lil sis was favored due to her looks, personality, and intellect when we were younger by our entire family). for that, im sure im biased in this scenario (i would think the worst because ive seen it happen ssoo many times even in same race families with or without variation in skin color and characteristics)

Yeah I bet. You come on a forum filled with black women with biracial children and you have the audasity to spew this type of mess. Then you put up your disclaimer as if that is supposed to excuse your accustions. This is an insult to women like my mother who shaped me into everything I am today. Why in the hell would she want to live through me? She is already a beautiful woman inside and out, that if I could be half as great as she is, I would really be doing something. She is my hero and I admire her more and more each day because she had the strength to endure people like you. She raised me to love all of who I was and not only the part she gave to me. I really wish people like you would realize what you are saying is showing your own prejudice. If you ever have a biracial child or daughter, I hope you will never have to face the accusations you have put on this woman. You have no idea what it is like to be a biracial child and you have no idea what it is like to raise one.


I've been away for a while and their has been a definite shift in the type of people who post here. I feel like we are the ones being looked down upon now. If you say something positive about interracial relationships or being biracial you get put down as if you are saying something wrong at the forum that is supposed to be for you and for you to embrace who you are. The saying about the one bad apple is very true. I feel that sometimes by some of the people that black women and biracial children are being insulted here.

i did not mean for this to sound like this how i think all or most black women with mixed kids are. i really was just reffering to this particular woman that i know and have been around long enough to see a strange pattern in her behavior. anyone not guilty of this should feel no reason to defend this.

As I look at the comments made back to Storm it makes me realize that sometimes when people identify too closely to a situation, we tend to put ourselves in that other person's situation and forget that it's not us that is necessarily being talked about!

Storm spoke about one particular woman and what she observed. No one can disagree that what she's seen is disturbing! Therefore, unless there's a Black woman with a biracial child on this site that treats her Black child drastically different from another, I'm not sure why they would be offended! I've read enough comments to learn (because I didn't know this before) that women who have biracial children are being accused of some horrible things and it's insulting and unfair but it should also be recognized that while they may be accused unfairly, there are many mother's of biracial children that actualy do feel this way!

How do I know? My mother basically admitted to me that this is why she treated me differently from my sister(I'm still dealing with that) and since that time, I've had other women who didn't think that favoring a child because of color was ignorant, tell me the same thing. It's sad, but it's true and that may be why Storm said SOME women and didn't say ALL women with biracial children. So if you love your child for who he or she is and not then most likely she was not talking about you!

It should also be said that when we shout, attack and throw venom on someone who's asking a question, we take what could have been a great opportunity for someone to learn something new or at least have an interesting convo and turn it into nothing less than an attack! And as we all know, when we're attacked, we spend less time thinking about what the other person said and more time being offended, learning nothing and defending ourselves, right? To me, we could have voiced our opinion for or against without making personal attacks and making someone feel bad about asking a question. Without questions there's no learning and well......I really think we can treat each other better than this.*****

-Hera

Awwww, that was so sweet of you to say that about your mother. I think that is a lot of parents or mothers goal, to be able to raise such a well adjusted child who really appreciates them. Thank you so much for posting this. Reading this really lifted my spirits and reminded me that there are many rewards that come from struggle and sacrifice and having your child say those things about you, a child who comes with no instruction manual, has to be a good thing.

I know you weren't talking to me since you choose not to name name and since I purposely kept out of this thread because the thread starter is also a shit starter and like her, it seems you are going to be trouble. I am responding because you went after me in another post, so I'm noticing that you are just here to take opposing views, but you know nothing of which you speak! Hopefully not for long as her time was up too. There was motive behind everything Storm posted, but you being a new member wouldn't know that now would you? Notice she is banned from this site, but you are defending her. Why? Take your mother issues to some sad and depressing black woman's site. This isn't it! This is not the place for black women to go into therapy over why mommy didn't like me enough. Get a life! Storm's topics were often out of place on a forum that is for the support of black women who have had biracial children. How does this post support them? Last I checked, this board was to celebrate the lives of black women and white men, not to discuss some coworker who is color struck just to subliminally fuck with members you don't like. See, I know what you don't know. This is bigger than the topic itself and I knew that from the get go, and stayed away from it.